Never Split the Difference

Summary

• Preparation & Mindset:
• Go in prepared but flexible. Treat your plan as a hypothesis, not an assumption.
• Approach with a learner’s mindset—enter with curiosity.
• Slow down and listen more.

• Tone & Atmosphere:
• Maintain warmth, positivity, and a calm voice.
• Use a “late-night DJ” tone to soothe and control pace.
• Smile—even subtly—to set a positive mood.

• Core Techniques:
• Mirroring: Repeat key words to prompt elaboration.
• Labeling: Acknowledge emotions (“Sounds like you’re frustrated…”).
• Accusations Audit: Address potential negatives upfront.
• Tactical Empathy: Seek to understand their perspective and feelings first.
• Embrace “no” as a starting point for real dialogue.

• Achieving Alignment:
• Aim for “That’s right” responses, not just “You’re right.”
• Use calibrated questions (“How am I supposed to do that?”) to engage collaboration.
• Anchor emotions before making offers.

• Leverage & Hidden Information:
• Consider positive, negative, and normative leverage.
• Uncover “Black Swans”: hidden factors that can change the outcome.
• Understand their core beliefs (“religion”) and uncover misinformation gently.

• Practical Tips:
• Present precise, non-round numbers.
• Say “no” without shutting the door.
• Meet face-to-face if possible.
• Foster similarity and connection.